CAMPFiRE;; {Spotz's Random Chronicles II}

CAMPFiRE;;
Random Chronicles II
by Spottedstar


MIDSUMMER'S REVISITED.
dedicated to Robin.

Spottedstar sat on top of a large gray boulder that was situated precariously in between four grand oak trees. Fireflies acted like living stars as they flickered their lights around the clearing as they flew. Twilight was descending upon the forest, and they had done nothing. "All right, everybody..." the RiverClan leader began impatiently, her claws tapping on the sheet of white paper in front of her. It was a script, and her green eyes were skimming over it as she spoke. "We've had, lets see... nine moons to work on this play," she paused for emphasis, although it was really her just taking in a breath to supress her frustration. "AND WE'VE DONE NOTHING AT ALL." Her listeners, er, actors, sat below her. They were scattered about the clearing with their own copy of the master script that Spottedstar held. They all looked quite out of it, or bored. "..." The sky was beginning to lose its purple and pink streaks as the sun's dying light faded out. The world was now a little more cooler and more dark blue. "Did any of you memorize your lines?" she asked after a moment, almost to afraid to propose the question to the cats whom she was losing faith in. Watersong, a gray tabby she-cat, swished her tail and looked up at her leader. Their eyes met, and the tortoiseshell leader leaned forward expectantly. Watersong is a reasonable cat, she thought, she won't disappoint me. The tabby rose to her paws from where she sat next to Robinwing, another she-cat with cream fur who belonged to ShadowClan. It was a moment before Watersong opened her mouth to speak. "PORN." After saying such, she laid back down. Spottedstar was still leaning forward, her eyes wide and her expression dumb-founded. It took a moment for it to sink in before she straightened up. She closed her eyes, and she could swear that there were tears in them. I've lost faith in cat kind, Spottedstar wailed inwardly. "Watersong. you. are. a genius." Spottedstar heard the meow and opened her eyes to see whom it had come from. It had come from no other than Finchfeather. The RiverClan leader looked slightly curious from atop her perch as the she-cat deputy of WindClan continued. "There needs to be more action in this crap," she meowed, referring to the script with a wave of her paw at the paper, "It has nothing to enthuse the masses." Watersong nodded absently, as if that was what she had meant. Spottedstar rose her voice quickly before the assembled cats got out of order, as she knew they would. "But A Midsummer Night's Dream is a Shakespearian classic!" "We can still do that," Finchfeather reconciled, "but we need to tweak it up a bit." The cat with the master script glanced at the paper and then looked at the cat below her. "How so?" she asked warily. "Leave it to me," the deputy meowed. Spottedstar's gaze wavered, and she looked down at her paws. I'm not sure I can trust these other cats to not turn the play into a monster, she thought with bitter seriousness. Pouncewing, Razorstar, and Graystar sat in a loose circle near Finchfeather, and she could see their bored expressions. Her emerald eyes showed an exasperated cast as she realized that they were barely even paying attention; even now! Flustered, she decided rather quickly as to what to do. "As you all know," she began loudly, addressing everyone present, "The play is tomorrow during the Gathering. Finchfeather shall take control of the meeting set for tomorrow morning. For now, you all are dismissed." The cats of the Clans began to groan as they rose to their stiff paws. As they were leaving and lingering, Spottedstar hopped down off the boulder and began making her way back to her own territory when Finchfeather stopped her. The she-cat's tail curled as she meowed, "You can count on me, Spottedstar." The leader said nothing as she continued on her way, grimacing when she heard a laugh come out of the cat when she supposed she thought she was out of earshot.


Spottedstar sat behind the boulder and oak trees along with her cast. It was the night of the big show; the tortoiseshell she-cat had spent the day mentally preparing herself at camp, and she had been worried the entire time. Finally here though, she noted that they all seemed prepared and ready to go 'on stage' before the other cats of their Clan whom didn't sign up to be an actor in the play. The leader sighed, relieved and reconsidering her viewpoint on Finchfeather's capability. I could trust her after all- she thought, but it was cut off when the same cat she was making the subject of poked her head out from behind one of the large oaks. "Show time, everyone!" she meowed enthusiastically. Spottedstar swished her tail gratefully and excitedly as she let everyone pass her to take their places. When she herself turned to follow, the WindClan deputy stopped her abruptly. She shoved a wrinkled up script in her face, leaving Spottedstar confused and sputtering. "Read from this," she directed at the leader before turning and disappearing behind the boulder and trees. "W-What..?" Spottedstar stammered, lowering her gaze to look at the paper that had fallen to her paws. "..." Crickets chirped in the warm night air, and the mewling of cats could be heard as the play got ready to start. Spottedstar lifted her head from the script and wailed, "OH, STARCLAN, WHY?" This isn't fair, this isn't fair... she thought pathetically as she finally rounded the obstacles keeping her from view and into the spotlight. Finchfeather was at the other side of the clearing, nodding toward Spottedstar for her to start reading. The she-cat gulped, still slightly whimpering. In a strong voice that was obviously forced, she began:

"Once upon a time," she narrated, "There were these dudes and ladies that lived in this old country thing in Europe. It was close to Greece or something... but it was close to that thing." Spottedstar swallowed hard, trying not to collapse crying. She continued, "There were these four people specifically though. They were named Lysander, Hermia, Demetrius, and Helena."

Razorstar, Pouncewing, Robinwing, and Moonstar came on stage, and immediately Spottedstar's jaw dropped. WHY ARE THEY DRESSED LIKE GANGSTERS?! she thought as they sauntered on stage with bling-bling around their necks and gangster bandanas tied to their backs. They looked like Heck's Kittens for StarClan's sake. They weren't dressed like that when I saw them backstage!

"Yo, yo, Hermia," Razorstar began, his large medallion necklaces clinking together, "How you gonna play a brother? Being all cold like that?" "Ice cold," Pouncewing meowed shortly after for emphasis on Razorstar's words as if he was in his posse or something. Moonstar, who was playing the part of Hermia, meowed, "Get off my back, yo. I just don't see the point in this fo'hizzy."

It was Spottedstar's time to narrate again. "It was clearly a problem. The couples didn't know nothin' about each other. It was time for Puck to get involved," she meowed as if something sour was in her throat. This was killing Spottedstar's soul, although to her utter disbelief, the audience seemed to like it. But Puck's part was coming up; the mischievous yet wise sprite that added obvious comedic relief and depth to the story. The leader knew that he couldn't be messed up, and her spirits lightened at the thought of it.

Then, to her even further amazement and then finally the slaughter of all her hopes and dreams, what looked to be a hockey puck was sent flying through the air from 'off-stage'. It almost hit her square in the head, but luckily she had ducked in time. As she looked around desperately for the thrower, the play continued.

"I'm sleepy," Robinwing meowed; it could easily be guessed that she was Helena. Pouncewing, who was playing Demetrius, looked startled and meowed, "WAIT. Before you do. We all. must. dance!"

Spottedstar paused in her frantic search to see all of the cast members, including Oberon, Helena, Lysander, Demetrius, Egeus, Theseus, etc come on stage and started dancing. The RiverClan leader just about killed herself when she heard the crowd they were performing for cheer uproariously. All the characters danced off to 'off-stage', leaving Watersong, whom Spottedstar didn't even know was out there alone before everyone. She opened her jaws and meowed simply, "PORN." The crowd cheered even louder, and then she too padded off stage. The tortoiseshell was practically an emotional mess when everything went black.

"Lol, you fainted." It was the first thing she heard once she had come out of her stupor. She opened her green eyes to see Finchfeather, a placid Watersong, and Robinwing hovering over her with Moonstar and Icestorm in the background a few feet away from her. "What..?" she meowed slowly, coming back to awareness. "The play was a success!" Robinwing meowed happily, her gangster jewelry still around her neck. "Yeah, if it hadn't been for you stepping down, the play would have totally sucked!" Moonstar meowed innocently, a purr escaping her throat. The others nodded in agreement as Spottedstar rose to her paws. Gee, thanks, she thought sarcastically; she shook the comment off as Icestorm meowed, "I liked it. It was weird, but it was okay. I feel like reading Shakespeare's version now." Spottedstar almost fainted again. "Please do," she begged, "For my sanity, please do."

END.

CAMPFiRE;;
Random Chronicles II
by Spottedstar


TO NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN.

She never knew that there could ever be something so deep, so profound. The darkness was thick, and it seemed as if not even a piercing strike from StarClan's claws could rip through it. Although, there was a gentle illumination deep within its gullet. It was like a faint glow the size of a star, almost like a cat's amber eye gazing sharply up.

Spottedstar's green eyes were wide and speculative; she stared down into a wide hole the size of what could be measured by fox tails. The RiverClan leader was accompanied by her fellow Clan leaders: Graystar, Razorstar, and Blackstar. The small group was standing next it, and they all looked inquisitive and worried. "... Is there someone in there?" Graystar broke the silence, her smoky fur rising with trepidation. "I sure hope not!" Spottedstar replied quickly, fear flashing in her eyes, although her voice was strong. Blackstar and Razorstar shook their heads, uncertain. "This could be a threat," the WindClan leader stated simply. Graystar let out a sigh, and Blackstar lowered her muzzle slowly to touch the rim of the hole. "I can't see a thing..." the black leader mumbled. It was bright outside, and golden rays of light were shining down on the four of them, but it did nothing to break through the darkness inside of the thing. Spottedstar blinked, her tail curling close to her side. She lowered her muzzle and copied the ShadowClan leader, and she immediately pricked her ears and dared to lean closer. "Do you hear that?" she whispered seriously, her eyes darting to look at the other leaders. Razorstar and Graystar quickly caught on and also lowered their heads to try and hear. It was silent for a long moment until Razorfang jerked up his head, his eyes wide and astounded. "There is someone down there!" he declared. "Dear StarClan..." Graystar murmured in disbelief as he slowly rose his head. The four leaders were in shock; how could a cat possibly be down there!? Blackstar blinked and looked at all four leaders. She grunted and looked directly into the hole. "'ALLO IN THERE!" she called in her deep meow, startling the mice out of everyone. "What are you doing?" Spottedstar hissed, her heart skipping a beat. Graystar nudged the tortoiseshell's shoulder and meowed, "We have to try and contact the thing! What if it's one of our warriors?" Spottedstar blinked and twitched her tail. She began, "Now I don't think it's one of ours--" "What if the cat broke one of it's legs and can't move?" Razorstar proposed the idea vaguely, giving way for rapid discussion amongst the leaders. "Hush!" Blackstar growled, her yellow teeth bared and green eyes stern. The leaders became silent as Blackstar tilted her head in a way to have her ear facing the hole. Another suspenseful silence; she finally lifted her head and meowed hoarsely, "I heard talking, but I can't... I can't make it out." Spottedstar looked back and forth from the old she-cat to the hole, her gaze carrying a concerned look. "You know, I think that there isn't anything down there. You all are just senile," Razorstar paused in his speech to look directly at Blackstar. Although he wouldn't be able to finish what he was going to say, for Blackstar simply and agilely pushed the WindClan leader into the hole. The two witnesses were left to gape and edge away from her once they recovered from the shock. "He'll figure out what's down there," Blackstar stated gruffly, "Be brave, Buffalo Soldier.~" Graystar and Spottedstar blinked; they wanted to say something, but they bit it back. They didn't want to be shoved in after Razorstar.

-x-x-x-

It was pitch black, until he opened his eyes. When he did, it was a world of moving color, color he'd never seen nor heard of before. It painted the walls and dyed the floor, dazzling the leader whom had been pushed to what he thought during that split second of falling his demise. Looking around, he could clearly see that he was at the bottom, and that there was indeed another cat with him. Swallowing hard, he rose to his paws; he was suddenly extremely wary. At least I don't have any broken bones, it seems... he thought, but the other cat snapped him out of his musing.

"ROR," it growled, its gray tabby fur a mess and its blue eyes wild as it looked up from whatever it was holding. Razorstar cowered close to the floor. The cat was so frightening; it looked so fierce, and so perturbed. "... ... ... Are you hurt?"

-x-x-x-

Spottedstar was in hysterics. "Blackstar, you practically killed him!" The ShadowClan leader began to shake her head, but the other leader countered the body language fiercely, "YOU PUSHED HIM INTO A STARCLAN-KNOWS-WHAT HOLE." Graystar exhaled loudly, for apparently he had been holding his breath. Spottedstar winced, her composure shattered to the millionth shard. "Don't worry," Blackstar meowed calmly, her eyes wandering freely while the RiverClan leader's eyes were glued to the hole. She didn't reply, and Graystar was left to contemplate. Is he all right? he thought; what if something were to happen? They couldn't possibly hope to save him if something went awry... Blackstar was scary. She wouldn't--would she? Graystar shivered as she stared at the black cat. Spottedstar followed his gaze and shivered as well. How frightful.

Then, they suddenly heard a hissing sound come from the hole's depths. It sounded like running water almost, or the rattle of rain on copper sheets. It made Spottedstar and Graystar cringe, while Blackstar seemed unfazed. A gray tabby head appeared out of the darkness once the wretched noise stopped. It remained there for a moment; the leaders stared at it blankly. Spottedstar finally broke the quiet. "WATERSONG!?" It was indeed the young she-cat whom the tortoiseshell had known most of her life in the forest. What was she doing in the hole? Had she seen Razorstar? Was she the one they had heard? The blue-eyed feline bobbed her head up and down before thrusting a furry mound onto the ground before them. It was none other than the WindClan leader, and he was unconscious. "Don't disturb me when I'm reading yaoi," Watersong growled, her eyes slits. They lingered on Spottedstar, making the she-cat blink in confusion and avert her gaze. "I told you I was going out to read it so cats wouldn't bother me!" the Medicine cat moaned as if betrayed. The RiverClan leader lashed her tail and replied hastily, "Yeah, I remember that, but I didn't know that you went into a StarClan freaking HOLE to do it!!" The gray tabby blinked and allowed for there to be an awkward silence before answering. "Well duh," she meowed condescendingly, "Where did you think I was going?" "... ... You know what? Just go back down there and read some more," Spottedstar dismissed her exasperatedly. Watersong shrugged and retreated, leaving three dumb-founded cats and one knocked-out one in her wake.

"You did well, Buffalo Soldier," Blackstar meowed as she patted Razorstar's back with her paw. Graystar and Spottedstar remained silent as the black cat continued to prod the WindClan leader.

END.

CAMPFiRE;;
Random Chronicles II
by Spottedbelly


PROBABILITY EQUALS ZERO.
Part One

"I would like to begin this meeting with a very important topic..." Moonstar began, her voice sounding uncharacteristically tired and defeated. The she-cat's fur was dull, and her eyes seemed to harbor a look of desperateness, if not sorrow and frustration. Her audience whom sat before her in the shadow of the great rock stared up at her with blank and melancholic faces. Moonstar paused, shifting slightly. "We all know the current state of WarriorCatChat... It is low in activity, which affects our forests and rivers, moors and thunderpaths. We must find a solution to this," her short speech ended with a determined pang, and her eyes brightened slightly. They all knew that this topic was at hand, and they all knew that they had to pull together to confront it. The ex-ThunderClan leader looked out at the cats, her ears perked for anything.

"What can we do, though?" Spottedstar, a tortoiseshell she-cat, meowed morosely. Her green eyes looked troubled, and her pelt was just as lackluster as the other leader's. "It's impossible to get anywhere in the state that we're in."

"Don't be so freakin' pessimistic!" Robinwing, the ShadowClan medicine cat chimed in, her appearance more lively. After saying her piece, she proceeded to thwack the RiverClan leader in the head. The victim of this treatment stifled a short-tempered hiss. "All we have to do is figure out the best way to get all the warriors back!" she added, padding away from the she-cat and over towards Blackstar and a few other cats. Said Blackstar, an elderly, black she-cat, was listening attentively; for someone with poor eyesight and creepy tendencies, she knew how to act like one of a non-thinking apprentice. Robinwing was the only one not afraid of her. And maybe Watersong too. It just depended on the circumstances.

"But hooowwww?" another droned, his back facing Moonstar and the others. His pelt was gray, and it looked just as shiny as usual. It was a marvel to the most of them how he managed to look so unaffected by the site's "recession". "Nobody gives a hoot anymore! Only you guys do. Just let it go," he proceeded, voice tainted with exasperation. This annoyed the others a great deal, but he ignored them. Two other cats surrounded him, one on both sides of his figure. One was gray, and the other was something or other (nobody really knows).

Amber eyes looked concernedly at the tom and then turned to Robinwing, Spottedstar, Moonstar, and the others present. "What Razorstar means," he motioned toward his friend (the one who had spoken out a few moments ago), "Is that... Maybe we should just go out peacefully?"

"NEVUR!" Robinwing called out, her paw raising into the air as if in defiance.

"Robinwing..." Moonstar warned, not having moved from her perch still. Normally, the she-cat would have joined her friend in the shenanigans of being loud, awesome, and supportive of WCC, but she was just too tired. Spottedstar was the same way, along with Watersong who was probably hidden somewhere in the crowd reading porn.

"No! There's got to be something we can do!" the medicine cat pleaded, her eyes round with hope. As the cats around her sighed noncommittally, one could see the gerbils running frantically in her head. Eyes looking to the heavens, it was a moment of heavy silence before she snapped her claws and exclaimed: "I got it~!"

"How the cheese and crackers did you do that?" Graystar and Razorstar asked in unison, their other, more silent friend beside them looking at the she-cat with just as much astonishment.

Robinwing ignored them as they animatedly and bewilderedly tried to snap their claws themselves. "Something's missing! I know all of you have noticed how our coats have been getting so plain - I also know that y'all have noticed the lack of sparkle in everyone's eyes. I have the answer to fixing this and getting our members back! It's so simple!"

The majority couldn't help but lean forward, their minds racing with the possibility of a solution to the mess that their Clans and home was in. Although the cream and brown she-cat was known to come up with radical ideas and spontaneous death-plans, the cats were desperate to try anything that might help what once was so prosperous and just downright awesome. Robinwing had leaned forward as well, an all-knowing look drawn out on her face. She took a deep breath for emphasis, wanting to stall her genius for as long as possible so as to enjoy it. "GOOD STARCLAN JUST SAY IT," Watersong's voice spat from somewhere in the assembly.

Unfazed (but everyone else was by the sudden outburst), Robinwing finally announced, "WE MUST FIND THE ESSENCE OF WCC!"

The she-cat looked very pleased with herself while there was an incredibly long silence. Spottedstar was baffled, along with Moonstar. Graystar, Razorstar, and friend looked shocked. Blackstar was unaffected. Sudden hissing and exclamations could be heard from the depths of the crowd as a certain tabby she-cat pushed her way through. Cynical, blue eyes appeared blazingly before them as they rested skeptically upon Robinwing.

"Are you serious?" Watersong asked bluntly. Spottedstar stared at her, still not really knowing what to say. Apparently, everyone else didn't know how to contribute either.

"Of course I am," Robinwing answered, surprisingly one hundred percent serious. "It's the only way, and it makes sense too! You see, all we have to do is find the lost essence of the site and bring it back to the Clans! Once we do, everything will be alive again." It sounded like a promise, and the earnestness in her voice made Watersong pause. Watersong, of all cats!

"But how would we find it... Saying that there is a so-called 'Essence,' metaphorically speaking," Spottedstar questioned carefully, wary to commit suicide by bringing on the wrath of a too overly excited Robinwing.

"Simple!" Robinwing answered, eyes glinting happily, "We go on an adventure!"

"... An adventure," Moonstar reiterated as if not sure she heard right. But then, after a second's wait, she immediately perked up and went back to her old self. "... Yeah! Yeah! That's perfect!" Her sudden joy and sense of hope inspired several other cats to stand up and yowl in agreement. Some were still skeptical, like Razorstar, Spottedstar, and Watersong, but with Moonstar apparently in the newly labeled "Adventure Express Boat," they couldn't audibly argue. It was decided that same night that they would set up an expedition containing five cats to go search for the essence of WarriorCatChat.

... Whatever that may be.

-x-x-x-

"YOU GUYS THOUGHT YOU COULD LEAVE ME OUT, EH?"

The five expedition members groaned aloud, their heads ducked in frustration and annoyance. The cats had assembled the next morning at the place of the other night's meeting (as decided by Moonstar and Robinwing) and were about to leave before they were stopped by a certain WindClan deputy.

Finchfeather, who had somehow gotten a duffle bag around her neck and was wearing a rather interesting looking fedora, was standing before them looking mighty miffed. Spottedstar, Watersong, Blackstar, Razorstar, and Mosspaw were giving the tabby death-looks and exasperated growls (although one should excuse Mosspaw. She just looked terrified). They had wanted to set out as early as possible, but Finchfeather just had to delay them on their quest.

"You can't come," Watersong argued, her fluffy head shaking from side to side sternly. Finchfeather tried her best to look undeterred, but in the end wound up whining as if the world had just delivered a terrible injustice.

"But I'm dressed like freaking Indiana Jones, StarClan-dammit!" she countered, looking at Spottedstar and Blackstar for assistance in her plea. Blackstar was no help, for she only gave the deputy a very blank look. Spottedstar was giving her a 'you-ruined-my-play-and-threw-a-hockey-puck-at-me-why-would-I-help-you' look that spoke volumes. Finchfeather swallowed, her eyes flickering off of the RiverClan leader to look at Watersong again. "Come oonnn," she begged, her claws kneading into the grass below her.

"We have five cats; we aren't allowed to have anymore! So go away!" Watersong rebutted, eyes divulging how peeved off she was.

"... Oh, is that it?" Finchfeather meowed after blinking a few times. "That's easily solved, ha ha!" It was then that she nonchalantly picked up Mosspaw by the scruff and flung her off into the wide, wide blue. Spottedstar was aghast; she followed the poor apprentice's form until it disappeared in the form of a diamond-like twinkle in the sky. Snapping her head around to look at the other's expressions, they seemed to be oddly not affected whatsoever.

"All right, you can come," Watersong said then as she got up and began padding away as if nothing absolutely horrible had ever happened. The others followed willingly save for Spottedstar. She flicked her ears at an invigorated 'Yes!' from Finchfeather as they ventured into the bracken and out of her sight.

"Good StarClan, what have I gotten myself into?" she whispered.

-x-x-x-

"Do~ do~ Da-Dora~ Dora the Explorah~!" Finchfeather sang. The deputy had taken the lead as soon as they had set out, and ever since had been singing that incessant tune. Spottedstar was at her wit's end. Watersong appeared to be so too, although that could have been easily because she was without her porn. Blackstar was oblivious (as per usual), while Razorstar was looking, bored, at the scenery.

This so-called scenery happened to be endless upon endless rows of trees. None of the cats knew where they were, but they happened to be in a forest of some sort. The trees were thick and lush; their branches laced together to form dense canopies. Little sunlight made it through to the grassy ground, but if one looked up they could see a dappled painting of golden bodies. The leaves danced to further this enchanting image, the wind caressing their little forms. It would have been rather great to gawk at if it weren't for Finchfeather not being able to shut-up and Watersong and Razorstar bickering every second.

"I'm telling you, Watersong, Frosted Flakes are better than freaking Captain Crunch!" Razorstar quarreled over the din of Finchfeather's singing.

"Um, heh, I beg to differ. Tell me, which one happens to have a pirate on the box? Certainly not Frosted Flakes. Don't even fight back with 'but Frosted Flakes has a tiger on it!' Tony looks freaking constipated!" Watersong retorted, her fur bristling as she strongly debated her point.

"You know what? You're wrong! Captian Crunch looks like he's a child-molester! I bet he has a record, too," Razorstar replied bitterly.

And it went on, and on, and on...

Tired and agitated, Spottedstar decided to focus on the fedora bobbing up and down on Finchfeather's head as she walked. The thing was almost comical, but the RiverClan leader was too bothered to really find the time to laugh. The same went for Watersong's and Razorstar's arguing; it was cute at first, but now it was just plain old. Also, they had been walking for two days now. Without really knowing a certain destination they had to (reluctantly) rely on the advice of Robinwing. What she said rang in her head now: 'The essence of WCC is in your soul! You'll know it when you find it!' Yeah, sure, Spottedstar sighed inwardly, That doesn't help much if at all. Doubting their whole mission, she was pulled out of her thoughts by an exclamation from Finchfeather.

"IT'S A MAGICAL LEOPLURADON," Finchfeather yowled, flailing her paws in a way that looked relatively impossible when compared to the laws of physics. The small party of five stared, intimidated, at the giant behemoth, its jaws open and gurgling loudly. Well, the WindClan deputy wasn't bothered, but everyone else was. In response to her previous announcement, the dinosaur let out an echoing cry. ... "IT HAS SHOWN US THE WAY!" Finchfeather then said, her paws still flailing as she faithfully began padding down a path. (The creature was situated on a rock that stood at the beginning of a forked path.)

The others followed her, not really sure how to process the situation. When they were well past the monstrosity, they continued on in relative silence except for the humming of that same song by Finchfeather. After a while they wound up in the presence of a large rock wall. Dug deep into its side was a hole, which Spottedstar presumed would lead to a cave or a plethora of tunnels. It looked kind of eery. Vines and lichen covered the lower half of the rocks, while trees' branches stopped reaching and shading the ground just as one reached the cave's mouth. It disconcerted the lot of them. Razorstar looked more negative then usual, Watersong seemed stupefied, Blackstar was just standing there as if she didn't care whatesoever, and Finchfeather even appeared to be subdued by the natural structure.

Spottedstar was busy looking into the darkness of the hole's mouth, feeling transfixed by it for some odd reason. Without her realizing it (too busy taking it in), Fichfeather had bravely padded up to it, nose poking into the black abyss. Her eyes cut through the dark; from the inside her pelt probably looked ablaze from the light of the day. The other expedition members padding up behind her, their forms forming an apprehensive line. None of them could see anything, but they felt strangley drawn into it.

"Do you think...?" Razorstar trailed off, his previous pessimism replaced with awe.

"Maybe," Watersong replied curtly, although it barely met the conditions of being able to sound so.

"I believe so," Blackstar meowed for the first time that whole entire journey. Nobody really heard her.

"Well, there's only one way to find out," Finchfeather meowed, her duffel bag and fedora jostling slightly as she slipped into the recesses of the hole. The others followed suit, but Spottedstar was extremely wary. Something about the place gave her bad vibes, and telling from the aura she was getting from Watersong's direction, she was unsure too.

After a long while of blindly padding, their eyes suddenly met a light. They were genuinely startled, and both Watersong and Spottedstar became even more worried. They didn't know why, though. Led by Finchfeather, they approached the glow. The group had to turn a corner before they were finally met with what they had been looking for.

"Oh... My... StarClan," Spottedstar murmured, her eyes widening in disbelief. Watersong didn't say anything, her form locked into place with rounded eyes and a bushy tail.

"What?" Finchfeather asked, confused. "It's just some cat."

Spottedstar turned ever-so-slowly to correct her, because she was terribly wrong, but she was interrupted. All five of the cat's eyes shot to look at the brown and gray tom sitting with his back to them up against the cave wall. A fairly big candle stood to the side of him, its light flickering.

"Well, well," his voice purred; shining, red eyes looked them over maliciously as he slowly turned his body to look at them. The cat was only the size of an apprentice, and his fur was short with pale tabby stripes. He appeared to have had a tough life despite his young age. In fact, he looked as if he was out to take over the world for all that was done to him.

"Did you miss me?" Fagpaw asked softly.

END.
(NOTE: The use of 'Fagpaw' is not to offend. It's an inside joke borne by the Random Chronicles I.)

FAKE?!

Its as true as true as we can be! It's amrvelous, and everything is correctly supported with edvidencd found in all of our mannerisms!

CAMPFiRE;;
Random Chronicles II
by Spottedbelly


PROBABILITY EQUALS ZERO.
Part Two

Spottedstar and Watersong shared horrified glances, their eyes wide and mouths slightly agape from the shock. Finchfeather still seemed genuinely confused, her fedora tilted to the side. Blackstar was as placid as ever, but one had to wonder if maybe the way she had tensed up wasn't just a trick of the light. Razorstar appeared to be cautious, his head lowered a tad and his eyes flickering along with the candle. Fagpaw was still looking at them smugly, his face illuminated devilishly from the light source beside him. His expression was positively devious, and Spottedstar could swear she saw a lot of malice beneath the cockiness.

"Watersong?" he asked cooly. His gaze went from the tabby she-cat to the tortoiseshell not too far away from her. "Spottedstar?" Fagpaw purred, his eyes closing pleasantly.

Spottedstar felt a shiver run down her spine, and she instantly froze while clenching her jaw. Watersong had groaned; the both of them felt positively screwed, thoroughly regretting ever associating with the apprentice all those moons ago. They remembered vividly back when he was so innocent and clueless about his name... Then Hawkfire had to mosey along that one fateful gathering... He had walked up to the tom, looked him square in the eye, and asked, 'What's your name?' Devastation. Realization. Epic failure.

'Fagpaw.'

Then everyone laughed.... And laughed.... How awful that must have been for the poor little warrior-to-be. Ever since he had plotted fiendishly for a way to decimate the Clans. He had turned from a willing apprentice to a conniving little villain; Spottedstar didn't know whether to feel sorry for him or be livid over how something this pathetic could happen. Because really. Fagpaw? What a screwed up mess of a queen, eh? Everything was said and done though, and nothing could ever change what had happened.

"How do y'all know each other?" Finchfeather asked, her expression perplexed and yet tentatively wary. Her voice broke the silence between the group. It also sliced through the tension between Watersong, Spottedstar, and Fagpaw. The RiverClan leader flinched; she prepared to give the she-cat an answer, but Fagpaw (dramatically) beat her to the point.

"FOUR-SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO," his voice rising and falling in a theatrical type way, he began, "OUR ANCESTORS SETTLED UPON THIS YOUTH..." The tom lifted himself onto all fours, discarding his previous position to circle loosely around the candle, his eyes all the while flittering from cat to cat in his audience. "You!" he pointed sharply at Spottedstar, making her wince. His eyes swiftly went to Watersong. "And you," he added icily, eyes turning into slits. The tabby glared waveringly at him, her muscles clenched noticeably. "You two are part of the great fail of which is the Clans and WCC. Because of the both of you, my life was ru-eened!"

"Fffftt," Razorstar breathed, his whiskers trembling.

Finchfeather blinked then unceremoniously broke out into loud guffaws. "'Ru-eened?'" she imitated, eyes sparkling with laughter, "Say ruined!"

Fagpaw seemed mildly confused and offended by the interruption, his eyes analyzing the unfamiliar Clan cats. Blinking once or twice, he meowed slowly, "What? Ru-eened."

"No, ruined."

"Ru-eened."

"Ruined! What do you call ancient Greek architecture?"

"Ruins."

"Now your life is what?"

"It's ru-eened. It's positively ru-eened."

Suddenly exasperated, Spottedstar hissed, "What does it matter?" She lashed her tail, her green eyes widened and distraught. The tortoiseshell's whiskers were also pressed against her face.

Watersong looked perturbed by the previous exchange, probably finding it just as unnecessary as her leader did. Razorstar was still trying to hold back laughter, ignoring the irked she-cats. Finchfeather was in the same boat, although she was making a better and nicer effort. Blackstar was expressionless, but she had relaxed. The black cat's eyes were vaguely trained on the candle as if it were more interesting than the situation at hand. Spottedstar had a feeling that it probably was to her.

Clearing his throat and glaring at the WindClan deputy, Fagpaw, the ex-apprentice, began to speak once more. "As I was saying," he growled, "Because of you two, my life was ru-eened!" His eyes swept over the cats before him, ignoring the she-cat and tom who were obviously trying to stifle more laughter but failing. A grimace plain on his mouth, Fagpaw continued, "And since you three are obviously Clan cats, you are condemned as well!"

"Woah, woah," Finchfeather meowed suddenly, her paws lifted for emphasis. This garnered the attention of everyone, even Blackstar, whom looked up lazily from the small fire. "You're going to be upset with us," she indicated herself and the two leaders (Razorstar and Blackstar), "Even though we really did nothing to you?"

Spottedstar's eyes narrowed. Fagpaw blinked, his eyes narrowing as well. "Well, yes," he said in a matter-of-fact manner. Watersong looked at him, not at all surprised and looking as if she was hearing old news.

The deputy gave the small tom a disbelieving look. "For cereal? What a weird mind-set you have. You're really going to judge all of us just because of what some idiots did to you?"

"Hey!" Spottedstar and Watersong sputtered in unison, their fur fluffing out in indignation. Crossly, the silver tabby hissed, "Way to defend all of us there, Finchfeather." The RiverClan feline nodded.

Her duffel bag slipped off her shoulder a bit as she looked quite surprisedly at them both. "... I thought the only one who gave Fagpaw hell was Hawkfire!" she meowed, her eyes wide.

"No," Spottedstar sighed ashamedly. She could feel the apprentice's triumphant gaze on her as she added carefully, "We both are to blame. Along with Moonstar, Robinwing, and many others before you." Sounding older than she was, the she-cat saw Watersong give her a sympathetic look. Knowing that that was the best she was going to get, Spottedstar returned the gesture.

"You're kidding!" Razorstar meowed, ruining the moment. "I can totally imagine Watersong doing that, but not you, Spottedstar."

"You little-" Watersong was interrupted mid-insult, her unsheathed claws moments away from battering the leader's ear.

"As much as I love watching the discord amongst you five, THIS ISN'T ABOUT Y'ALL!" Fagpaw raved, voice high-pitched with annoyance. Glaring sharply at them all in turn, he growled, "I've been plotting and planning my revenge for moons. Unbeknownst to the most of you, I have spies in your forests and fields. I happen to have a very helpful helper, actually. Maybe you know him!"

They gave him a questioning look with the exception of Blackstar.

Pleased by the reactions and the spotlight locked on him, Fagpaw continued excitedly, "He's fluffy. Gold fur, blue eyes - It's-"

"It's Ashclaw." Blackstar deadpanned.

"How...?" Spottedstar trailed off, shock gracing her features.

Blackstar shrugged, her black fur rolling over her muscles with ease. "He's an idiot. Just use big words and maybe something shiny as the clincher and you got him. He," she motioned toward the stupefied and enraged Fagpaw, "probably trapped him when his friends weren't around." The explanation seemed to be right on, for the tom was motionless.

Razorstar seemed rather amazed by the black she-cat's long dialogue. Finchfeather appeared to be in awe as well, although she was still battling with the realizations of earlier. Spottedstar didn't know what to say (she knew what was said was true), and Watersong looked to be quite aghast.

Twitching as if he was about to go into convulsions, Fagpaw tried to recover himself. After a moment of his aggravated, heavy breathing, he spat, "DAMN YOU. No more beating me to the point! It doesn't matter anymore, though." Seeming to have controlled his temper all the way, he allowed for a cocky smile to curl on his face. "He has told me everything. Including this so-called 'quest' of yours."

There was a moment of silence. Yet again, Razorstar ruined the mood. "You know, I told all of you that we shouldn't allow those Oblivion cats to come to the gathering."

Pointedly glaring at him for his words, Watersong retorted curtly, "And we were to know that Ashclaw was that much of a tool?"

"Well, yeah. All three of those cats were weird. But no~, none of you would listen to mean ol' Razorstar."

"That's because you were being rude! You refused to handle anything civilly!"

"What? I'm plenty civil. Give me one legit case of me not."

"Well, you wouldn't listen to what they had to say, and you wouldn't consider their side at all, either!"

"Pssh, but if y'all had followed my example, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"That is very poor reasoning, Razorstar."

"Your mom!"

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THIS NOT BEING ABOUT Y'ALL?" Fagpaw yowled, afraid of loosing their attention. His tail was lashing violently, and his claws were unsheathed and ticking at the cave floor. The candle was still going strong; the flame danced with every motion the cats made.

"Actually, this is about us, retard," Finchfeather meowed then, breaking out of her short-lived silence. "You are revealing many things previously unknown to us. Of course we are going to react in an angry and interrogative manner." She gesticulated appropriately, ending with her paw facing the ceiling in a 'well, duh' kind of way. Her eyes did well in showing how stupid she thought the ex-apprentice was now.

Fagpaw's left eye twitched, and he seemed close to screaming. "All of you are insufferable," he spat, lifting a paw to his face and doing an epic face-palm. "You know what? Whatever. You five do not matter; what matters is my revenge, and that cannot be achieved by talking to imbeciles."

Spottedstar had a feeling that he was only saying that to sound above them. Flicking an ear, she glanced over toward Finchfeather who looked generally unaffected by the insults. The tabby she-cat readjusted her fedora, looked at Fagpaw squarely, and cleared her throat.

"But there are three leaders in your presence. Also, you have a medicine cat and deputy here. We may be 'insufferable', but we are vital for any revenge against WCC. Unless if you plan to aim at the psyche of all of us by targeting one big thing. But either way, we're still important. Also, what do you plan to do? Rant and rave like an immature, constipated kit and drive the Clans insane? Because really, that's all I'm seeing from you."

...

"DAY-UHM. You were seriously burned, Fagpaw," Razorstar whistled, his face contorted into one of pain and pity.

"Like, third degree kind of burned," Watersong agreed, her expression matching the other's perfectly.

Spottedstar had actually winced, and it took a bit of self-restraint on her part not to choke. Blackstar seemed amused if ticking an ear and curling a tail counted as such. Razorstar had begun to flap his paw as if trying to shake off a bug or something. They all assumed that he was trying to be gangster, although after a minute it just looked as if he was flailing and trying too hard.

"No," Fagpaw almost practically shouted, his ears flattened against his skull and his claws unsheathed. Seemingly trying to get his dignity back, he growled while puffing out his chest, "I actually do have a plan. It surpasses all that I have attempted so far! All of you will be quivering by the time it comes into effect!"

"Is that so?" Finchfeather asked, bemused.

"Yes," he hissed. "It is a weapon capable of ultimate destruction."

"Like your face?" Razorstar pressed, acting a little too cocky after Finchfeather's mega-pwnage of Fagpaw. Spottedstar feared that he'd get them in deep with that kind of attitude (for the ex-apprentice they were dealing with could be rather unpredictable), but she didn't dwell on it. Mainly because Fagpaw didn't seem to mind either.

"Low and behold," Fagpaw began, his face once again twisting into a look of pure deviousness, "my master plan."

And what they saw boggled their minds and left them gaping.

All except Blackstar, of course.

-x-x-x-

"... Hey."

Ashclaw jumped. He could have sworn that he felt something paw at his tail. And was that a voice? Curling the fluffy appendage protectively over his paws, he turned his head and analyzed the bush behind him. Seeing nothing, he became a bit paranoid. Instantly whipping around to face two other cats, he whimpered.

"Oh bloody - what?" Tawnybramble hissed exasperatedly, his golden-brown fur shining in the afternoon light. Green eyes the color of rich sage would have burned a hole into the fluffy, golden tom if it were possible to kill with mere looks.

Snowblossom, a blond-coated cat as well, blinked in Tawnybramble's direction before turning to Ashclaw, giving him a curious look. "Mein Freund, what is it?" he asked in his normal drawl with add-on German. He ignored his irate friend's scowl.

Ashclaw, tail still curled tightly to his side, motioned to the bushes. "I think something touched me," he meowed. Judging from his tone, he was about to go into hysterics.

"Do you mean sexual--"

"Shut up, Snowblossom!" Tawnybramble interrupted, his voice laced with venom and disgust. Attention going to Ashclaw again, he asked bluntly, "What the bloody 'ell do you mean by, 'something touched me'?"

His eyes showed how much he didn't want to deal with his shenanigans, and since he was a very cross being, Ashclaw didn't doubt that he was going to be no consolation. Also, he'd probably just pass him off as lying or making stuff up. So, instead of addressing him, he turned to his German friend. "I felt something grab my tail! And I think I heard a voice as well!" Glancing behind him once more, growing even more frightened, he shuffled slightly away from the branches and leaves. "Mommy should protect Daddy, you know!" He looked at Snowblossom pleadingly.

"Please, not this again," Tawnybramble growled, closing his eyes and making an exaggerated wave of his paw to express his frustration. But he received no answer. A bit puzzled by the lack of reaction, he reopened his eyes. He had to suppress a very heavy sigh at what he saw; Ashclaw was staring intently at the bush, and Snowblossom was also focused on the location. Apparently he'd missed another interaction. "What happened now?" he asked, voice sounding strained.

"Schweigen," Snowblossom murmured to him.

Tawnybramble opened his mouth to yell at him for using German and providing no English translations, but was stopped by what Ashclaw was presumably freaking out over.

A white-tipped paw shot out from under the bush and clumsily groped for something, claws extracting every once in while as if angered that it couldn't find what it was looking for. The whole leg emerged then, revealing blue-tinted fur. He continued searching through touch for whatever it was before retreating sharply. The three could have sworn that they heard a muffled curse before the bush trembled and revealed two different-colored eyes. One was the color of flaming amber, bordering on crimson. The opposite eye held a deep, sapphire color, contrasting rather exotically against the dark face.

There was a moment of silence before Ashclaw sent it to its grave with a bloody dagger. "Ah! Mon dieu, what is that?" he yowled, flailing in mid air before situating himself in between Tawnybramble and Snowblossom. The two eyes looked annoyed by the reaction. The two ginger cats blinked, stupefied.

"... Who are you?" Tawnybramble asked warily.

"I'm your savior," it replied simply.

-x-x-x-

Sitting on a low perch in the middle of a thorn-covered clearing, Moonstar gazed worriedly at the heavens, although a slight glimmer of hope shone deep in the irises. Turning to another she-cat who was accompanying her, she meowed huskily, "Do you think they've found it yet?"

The cat, who happened to be Robinwing, turned her eyes to the stars, prompting Moonstar to do the same. After a moment of respective silence, the ShadowClan medicine cat chirped brightly.

"Ha ha~! Yes.... Yes, I believe they have!"

END.